Skulduggery Pleasant:30 Minutes To Nigeria
by Insignia13
Summary: Our favorite skeleton detective receives an important phone call from an elder, and must travel to a far-off land to rid it of pirates! Humor and adventure abound! Oh, and did I mention the delicious Nigerian sand? R
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Skulduggery Pleasant and all other characters, except for a certain pirate captain, belong to Derek Landy. I, however, own all the actions, dialogue, and storyline. Enjoy...**

Skulduggery's cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Pleasant! This is very urgent," said the voice belonging to elder Eachen Meritorious, who is now currently dead. "We have just been informed here at the Sanctuary that a group of fearsome pirates have been spotted off the shores of Nigeria. You _must_ stop them!"

"I'll see what I can do," came the reply of the skeleton detective. He then hung up and turned around to face his team of magical crime fighters: warrior woman Tanith Low, boxing tailor Ghastly Bespoke, and 12-year old Stephanie Edgley.

"Let's go, gang!" said Skulduggery enthusiastically, for he knew very well that together, they could defeat the dread pirates!! Booyah!!

#

After a half-hour of sailing, our heroes finally reached Nigeria.

"You two stay here and guard the magic crime-fighting boat while Ghastly and I go save the native people of Nigeria," said Skulduggery to his two female counterparts. Little did he know that Tanith and Stephanie were seriously thinking of suing him for being sexist.

Ghastly had just stepped off the magic crime-fighting boat, when a gust of wind by the name of Blackbeard tackled the boxing tailor to the sands of Nigeria in sumo wrestler-like fashion.

"Avast, ye ugly landlubber! I be a fearsome pirate!" declared the fearsome pirate. Indeed, he was quite impressed in his attacking abilities against the magic crime-fighting Ghastly, who now lay under Blackbeard's weight with a mouth full of tasteful Nigerian sand.

"Spunk Ransom!" screamed Skulduggery as he pumped his friend's attacker full of lead.

Ghastly stood up and spat out the sand, regardless of its salty wonder, and continued his march towards the jungles of Nigeria ahead of him. Skulduggery joined, gun in hand. The two crime fighters trudged thru the jungle until they reached a clearing in which their eyes met a dreadful sight: the pirate crew of sumo wrestler Blackbeard was preparing a fire, over which the good, spam mailing people of Nigeria would be roasted until they were as crispy and robust as a slice of Canada's finest bacon.

The skeleton detective and his friend immediately ran into the clearing. Immediately! In exactly 1 minute and 23 seconds, they had tied up the pirates, put out the fire, and released the Nigerians that had been taken captive. Then, the two walked back to the magical crime-fighting boat, bearing hospitable Nigerian gifts of salad dressing and wax paper.

Skulduggery and his gang had once again saved the day!!

THE END

**Authoress' Note: As said before, read and review. I can see in my stats bar how many people have read the story, and when I see that 100+ people have read and none have told me whether or not they liked it, I get sad. Really sad. It makes me not want to keep writing, you know? And I'm sure all you lovelies would hate for me to stop writing. Soooo R&R! And be sure to check out my other story/stories.**


	2. About This Story

Good evening.

I began this story in the summertime of 2007, shortly after finishing Derek Landy's wonderfully creative story of a skeleton detective and his young accomplice.

It was originally very dull. Somewhat funny, but nevertheless, dull. I became bored with the one-page story I had written down, and crammed the paper into an old folder containing orchestra music, where it would rot for almost a year.

The glorious summer of 2008 came around, I discovered a sequel from Mr. Landy, I read it, I cleaned my room, and what do you suppose I found whilst cleaning? Yes, my children, it was-dun dun DUN!-the very boring Skulduggery story. I took it out from where it was, squashed between the march from "Carmen" and the fourth movement of Telleman's "Viola Concerto in G Minor".

I read the story and reminded myself why I had put it in such an odd place: it was like a funeral dirge in words. But I was determined to make it as great as I had originally imagined it only a year before!

So, I sat down on the floor with the paper, and fixed and mended all the boring parts, and wrote even more than I had intended for the story. Originally, the story had left off right where our heroes arrived at some mysterious island. There was no Nigeria, there was no delicious sand, and there was no civil rights case in the making. But when I sat down to write, I made all those things possible.

When I finished, I laughed my head off at it all. It was so much better. It was not so serious and hum-drum. Immediately, I rushed to the computer, typed it up, and posted it. As for the original, I…threw it back into the orchestra folder, but I put it there with more care. And the folder went into a drawer where I keep my poems, drawings, and other incomplete stories.

I hope you were entertained, if even for just a moment. And now the curtain shall close.

Insignia13

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